how to deal with your pregnant friend

a primer!

1. there could be any number of reasons why your pregnant friend didn't answer the phone when you called. she could be out and about. or, she could be trying to sleep, trying to quietly sit out a wave of nausea, or spending some quality time in the loo. in any case, leave a message, and she will call you back when she has the time and energy. do not call three times in five minutes, and then call her mobile. unless you are a crazy stalker and looking for a restraining order.

1a. if your friend doesn't call you back right away, it may be because she is tired/pukey/etc. if she's had a long day at work with her crazy boss, chances are all she wants to do when she gets home at seven o'clock is have a nap. when she gets up at nine-thirty it is to eat dinner, and after that she may think it's too late to call. so be patient.

1b. the above are not reasons to call the pregnant friend at work. work is not the place for personal calls.

1c. she may also take her time calling you back because when you call four times in five minutes, it makes her feel hounded. so back off.

2. your pregnant friend may not be as sociable as she used to be, due to sleepiness, pukiness, etc. if she tells you "i really don't have the energy for social events on weeknights," do not continually invite her to social events on weeknights, and then say "is something wrong? are you mad at me? i never see you anymore" when she politely declines.

3. don't overwhelm your pregnant friend with advice. everyone else is already doing that, and chances are she has a doctor or midwife helping her out as well! she has probably already heard that breastfeeding is a good idea, etc., and is tired of being nagged about it.

4. similarly, don't critique your pregnant friend's diet. chances are there are only four things that she can eat without wanting to hurl. also, comments like "lucky you, you can eat whatever you want!" make no sense and are stupid, especially when you said the exact same thing to your pregnant friend last week, and she told you then that you are way off base.

5. if you can't say anything nice, just shut up already.