he's here!

little marmaduke (no, that's not his real name... i was reading "london fields" while non-stop nursing the other day after a long, sleepless night, and really relating to amis' description of a devil child, and thought that would make a good nickname) arrived on the 13 january, and since then i've been too busy with the little fellow to do much!

it's funny to think what a difference 24 hours can make.

i saw mary the midwife at 10 o'clock in the morning on the 12 january, and she said i was just barely 1 cm dilated, cervix softened but not really effaced, not to expect anything too soon, but you never know, something could happen over the next couple of days. she warned me that i'd be crampy that afternoon after getting the internal.

so i started getting crampy in the afternoon, not terrible cramps, but regular - lasting around a minute, every 4-6 minutes. after puttering around the house and having a bath, they were still going at eleven so i gave m a call. She said it could be early labour, but it was hard to say, and recommended i take a couple gravol and try to get some sleep, so i'd be well-rested if i went into labour the next day.

but the cramps started to feel more like "real" contractions (starting at the back and wrapping around to the front, according to dr google), and I couldn't sleep through them. at 2 o'clock, we called again.

when m came at 2:30 or whatever, i was 2 cm dilated, 80% effaced, she timed my contractions as being 50 seconds each, and she recommended hopping in the tub to labour there and closing my eyes and trying to get some rest between contractions. still classified as "early labour" which made sense to me, because it wasn't that difficult. too much to sleep through, but not so much that it was unbearable or something. my lovely husband ran a bath and lit a bunch of candles and sat with me until about 5 o'clock in the morning (about 12 hours since things started), at which point i threw up. i got out of the tub and things really started happening - i threw up again, and my contractions were really intense - my body wanted to push, and it was hard to stop. but my water hadn't broken yet. we called m again anyway at around 7 o'clock, and when she came over at 7:30, i was already at nine centimeters, so we went directly to the hospital, with me panting all the way to keep from pushing in the car. once we got to the hospital, i was put in a wheelchair and rushed up to the labour & delivery room (which had a view of the lake!), m and p (our back-up midwife) had a look and said "the baby is right there - next time you feel the urge to push, just go with it." so i started pushing. my waters still hadn't broken, so we decided to rupture the membranes, since i was all systems go. baby moved right into place at that point, and with a few more pushes, just after 10 o'clock - five hours after active labour started, and 90 minutes after we got to the hospital - he was out! And three hours after that, we were on our way home.

but man, they're not kidding when they say "ring of fire." also, they are not kidding when they say "try not to vocalise so much when you are pushing. you will end up with a sore throat." in addition to scaring everyone on the floor, i can barely speak at all now. and since i tend to clench my teeth in times or exertion and stress, i could barely move my jaw after!

now we're slowly getting into the swing of things. fortunately little marmaduke latched right away with no problems, but it's been non-stop feeding since then! he really is a great little guy, and we're having a lovely time getting to know him.

hmmm...

okay, for the last two hours i've been having nasty cramps/contractions every 4-6 minutes, lasting about 45-60 seconds. is this just prodromal labour? or something more? am i kidding myself? on the one hand, they're not exactly regular, but on the other hand, they keep on keeping on, even though i've been moving around and doing stuff.

hmm, hmm...

progress, thank goodness!

okay, so i had my first internal today - i am 1 cm dilated! my cervix is soft! the midwife stuck her finger in there and felt the baby's head! she thinks it will be a few days yet, but things are definitely starting to happen. woo hoo!!

so, on with the red raspberry leaf tea, now in rotation with blue and black cohosh, evening primrose oil, etc. etc...

!

i think i just had a bit of bloody show! boy, i hope i'm not kidding myself here... i want to get this show on the road! thankfully i have a midwife appointment in one hour, maybe i can get some answers...

still here. still no baby.

getting tired of this. i want real food! i did buy some soft crap wonder bread today though; figured my tooth would survive that.

is it just me, or does black cohosh tea taste like dirt with a soupcon of rancid bacon fat?

please, just stop asking.

so, yesterday i checked my voicemail on the way to the osteopath (got my hips adjusted - apparently the fetus had its head balanced on the edge of my pubic bone instead of dropping into place - here's hoping it drops, but in the meantime, my hip feels a bit better at least!). i admit, i am lazy about checking voicemail. i am not a phone person. i have always been that way, although throughout this pregnancy i have gotten worse, as i slip into hermithood.

you would think people who know me would know that by now.

anyway, if i hear one more message saying "i tried to call you earlier, and there was no answer, so now i'm wondering, does this mean you've had the baby?" i will punch something. because you know what? if we had the baby, we would tell people. we would! it is on the list of things to do! we put together phone lists and e-lists a month ago! we call the mums and sisters and a small assortment of other close relatives and friends when labour starts, we have an email ready to go out to a wider circle when we're on our way to the hospital, and we have a huge list for when the actual baby is actually here.

you know what's worse than waiting for something you really really want?

what's worse is waiting and waiting and people keep asking "so, did it happen yet? did it? hmm?" what's wrong with a simple "how are you?"

and really, it makes me totally not want to call people back.

nada.

still no news. grr. and after all our walking on saturday, too. i've been drinking the black cohosh, eating spicy, doing all of the other recommended activities, and nothing.

this of course also means still no solid food for me. i've lost seven pounds over the last few weeks. not what is supposed to be happening!

in other news, we went to see pan's labyrinth yesterday. boy, was that more violent than i was expecting. plus, specific scenes which are not suitable for preggo viewing. worse than a cock and bull story, even. there should really be a preggo warning along with all the other film review board warnings - "violence," "coarse language," "mature themes," and "bad things happening to pregnant ladies." it seems like i went my entire life without seeing (or at least without noticing) any dire birth scenes in films, but this is the second i've seen in a matter of months - and we have not been seeing a lot of films. i would have liked some warning at least, to prepare myself! yeesh...

worry.

i am worried.

i feel like crap, i haven't eaten in ages, i can't sleep, i can't eat, i'm sore, i'm crampy, i feel nauseated.

all of which is to be expected i guess (except the not being able to eat part).

but - i've lost weight, about seven pounds since the whole tooth debacle began. and i just measured my belly, and it is now about 42" - down from 44 1/2". that's a fair drop! fundal height is where it's supposed to be, heart rate is 138 or something, so baby is okay for now, but 2 1/2" seems like a lot to lose off my belly - i don't carry any extra fat there either, it's all uterus. am i running out of amniotic fluid? or something?

worry, worry, worry...

you know you're a ninth-month nester when...

* you don't let nausea stop you from wanting to clean everything
* you can't watch the most exciting football match of the season because you're too busy googling baby-safe moth repellent
* you have a burning need to repaint every room in the house
* taking up quilting seems like a really good idea
* you go to the fridge in search of snacks, and instead wind up cleaning it from freezer to crispers
* you can't sit still long enough to compose a blog post of more than six lines because there is too much to do!

argh

it's 6:30, and i've been up for an hour! no fun. no fun at all.

worse luck, no signs of real labour yet, either - just all braxton-hicks, all the time. i've been doing mega housework and squats and boy am i sore. + hungry - i'm on a liquid diet now, in a desperate attempt to make my tooth last till after baby. i have now had the filling replaced four times. i can't stand it.

anyway, in a few hours we'll be off to see the midwife, and hopefully she will have some advice other than "be patient, the baby will come when it is ready."

because my patience has run out!

gah.

so, what's left of my poor old tooth cracked this evening. grr. i can feel a shard wobbling around back there. right now i'm clenching the inside of my cheek and hoping it doesn't wander around. i want labour to start *now* so i can have the baby and then get some proper non-temporary dentistry done, damnit!

i emailed my mum earlier to say "wah wah wah, poor little me, wah wah" (i'm paraphrasing here, but not by much), and she still hasn't written back. i was just getting sulky about it and about to complain to my husband ("i wrote her a half hour ago and she hasn't written back yet to say 'poor you!'"), when it occurred to me - and instead i said to my husband, "thirty-five years from now, we will be trying to enjoy our retirement, and old thumper will be whining that it wrote us an email and we've gone a whole thirty minutes without responding with appropriate sympathy. what have we gotten ourselves into?"

why are we doing this again?